In transit.

Spotty innerwebz. You know how it is.
We've had a few stops on our way. Brussels was gray and beautiful. Frankfurt was gray and graffitied. But we've done well, especially JBallz, who has weathered the long flights and time change as well as can be expected so far. We've had one hiccup where I puked my guts out one day, but Phil says it's my fault so I can't really whine about it too much, BUT I REALLY WANT TO. I've been eating healthy food and exercising (18 pounds since August folks!) and of course, haven't managed to do that this whole week and ate a whole JBallz worth of Belgian waffles and crepes and fries in beautiful paper cones smothered in curry ketchup. No wonder I vomited the whole next afternoon...
Anyway, we embark on the last little bit of our journey tonight. I'll post some pictures when I can. For some reason, we can only get internet if we are sitting in one corner of our hotel room and I don't really want to bother digging out the little camera-computer cord thingy and sit in this corner while it loads.
We've been exploring Frankfurt a little and let me just say, if a middle aged German with a mullet is wearing jeggings, I feel that it should be a sign to American teenagers everywhere that maybe that's not the best way to go in terms of fashion.

Today

Three items of business:

1. It's JBallz birthday. It's a crappy day for a birthday because it's also...

2. Pack-out day. Ugh, movers give me hives.

3. I have made a new word. Bruisenesia.
Bruisenesia (brooz-nee-zhuh) - noun. A complete loss of memory about one's bruise or bruises.
Related Words: blackout, memory loss, contusion, spousal abuse while asleep?, drugging by spouse?, suspicious.
Example: I counted nineteen bruises on my body this morning and I have bruisenesia. So I blamed it on Phil.

NOM! NOM!

The list of places I absolutely HAVE to go before I leave America.

1. Cafe Rio
2. Taco Bell
3. Carls Jr.
4. Mimi's
5. Serendipity
6. Georgetown Cupcakes


The first three are done. Tuesday I hit up Mimi's and obviously I have to wait until I go home to grab those last two. Not to worry, I have other lists of things to do before I leave besides this food one. Food is not the only thing I'm thinking about.
Mostly.
Ok, fine. My liar face is on. But can you blame me? Food is dericious.
Okay, digressing here - I always know when Phil is fibbing because he has what I call a "Liar Face".
JBallz has the very same face.

"JBallz, did you eat some of Mommy's birth control pills?"

"Nooooo."

"Why are they out of the package then?"

"Nooooo."

"I think you're lying to me. Where are they?"

"Yummy, yummy!"



Anyway, what do you think? Am I missing anything?
Where would you eat if you were leaving and didn't know when you'd be back?






P.S. And don't be hatin' on my Taco Bell or Carls Jr! You can pretend to be a food snob of you want, but I'll be laughing at you while I enjoy my Western Bacon Cheeseburger and my Nacho Cheese Beef Chalupa. Go ahead and dip your organic sushi in your stuck-up-snob-sauce. We all know you wish you had bacon and fake cheese on your plate.

P.P.S. I just called DC home.

P.P.P.S. Eight more days till blast-off.

No, Phil didn't kill me. I'm just busy.

And my parents don't have wi-fi.
How am I supposed to waste hours on the interwebs without wi-fi?

Here are the things that are complicating my otherwise enjoyable Christmas vacation:

1. I'm working on the LONGEST JOB APPLICATION IN THE HISTORY OF JOB APPLICATIONS. Come on federal government, can't you just take my word for it that I lived in ghetto student housing in 2005? Sheesh. Somebody told me it was sixty pages. They lied! It's one hundred and twenty seven pages! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN!

2. My savings account is bleeding by the thousands. Somebody shoot me in the face.

3. JBallz recently spent the day with his cousins. He had a blast. My awesome brother-in-law watched all three of them while my sister and I got a little time in. My nieces are my favorite little kids besides my own. The only problem? The one closest to his age is kind of...well, let's just say that her nickname is (lovingly, of course) Ava-zilla. She'll smile to your face and then stab you in the back with her toddler fork. JBallz is just slightly younger than Ava-zilla and tries to copy everything she does.
You guys, he keeps trying to out evil-genius ME (which is impossible, obviously).
And JBallz is a sore loser.

4. My little brother is also staying temporarily with my parents. He's really, really into Japanese pop music right now.

5. My parents are both on a diet. There aren't even any candy canes here! They are not only starving me, but they are starving my Christmas spirit, which goes hand in hand with Christmas goodies.



On the plus side:

1.I've lost four pounds since I've been here (anorexia, duh).

2.I haven't seen Phil since the 6th and I do believe that I actually miss him!
AND
3.Phil texted me today to tell me that he missed me and was excited to see me on Friday (must not have been THAT excited or I would have gotten a phone call...)

4.I'm also feeling a lot better about this whole moving to Djibouti thing. There's no point worrying anymore about whether or not we are "ready" - whatever that means. We're as ready as we're gonna get, so BRING IT ON AFRICA. I'm not afraid of you!

See? All is well with us.






If you see this child, do not be fooled by her cuteness and her long, pretty eyelashes.
Check her for weapons if you can and never turn your back on her!

Divorce

Hah! Got your attention with that title, didn't I?
We're not getting divorced. Not yet, anyway.

Phil stated the other day that he is uncomfortable with my almost daily threats to his life.
Then somehow he got his parents to agree with him, which just goes to show that they are OBLIVIOUS to my pain and suffering! Not to worry, I'll be staying with them for a couple weeks at the end of the year and then they will see. I plan on ruining each and every day with in-depth descriptions of my woes. Watch out you two.

Phil keeps reminding me that I "knew" he wanted to do something like this when I married him. He also claims that I "encouraged" him to follow his dreams, or whatever. He even had the impudence to suggest that I "wanted" this lifestyle and that I was "excited" about it.
What a turd.

And then there's JBallz. He actually expects me to pay attention to him! I am way too busy googling "ways to kill husband" and "why isn't there any information about Djibouti on the internet?" No, I do not want to read your "Barnyard Animals" book for the twentieth time today!

But, because I am a rational and completely-sane-most-of-the-time person, I will admit that I am about 70% finished with the things on my ridiculously long to-do list and I really only have a few little things to do here, another handful of things to do in Utah (mostly shopping and shipping stuff) and the rest I will outsource to Phil. So that's good, right? Plus, our sponsors have contacted us with lots of useful tips and promises to help us out and show us around when we get to post and maybe even make their kid play with ours (they are the only two little boys at post, apparently).

Somebody Phil goes to school/work with told him that right before every move he and his wife almost get divorced. This is our fourth move together if you count the original move from separate apartments into one apartment when we got married. And it's true, each and every time we have both threatened divorce (or to break off the engagement). BUT, this is kind of a HUGE move and therefore I feel completely justified in planning creative and unusual ways for Phil's demise. Divorce is so messy in the Foreign Service and wouldn't it just be easier for him to die? I think so. Plus, we have a decent amount of life insurance on him so JBallz and I would be fine for quite a while. Just sayin'.

I haven't been this annoyed with him since JBallz was a newborn and waking up all night and I would angrily throw things at Phil and yell at him because how dare he sleep through the night when I am getting up every three hours!

Alas! Unfortunately for Phil, I have decided to hang on to him for now. ONLY because he's sort of useful with paperwork and comes home and reads that damn "Barnyard Animals" book to JBallz for several hours while I hide in the bathroom and pout about nothing in particular.
He also doesn't complain about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner ("this is really great honey, thank you") and he takes care of all those yucky boy chores that I despise like dealing with shipping a car to Djibouti and dealing with our electronics situation (including procuring a free, 7 foot, 220volt, pre-lit Christmas tree so I don't get all sad when next Christmas comes around and we put up our 3 foot tree and can't really plug it in without a big fuss). And he doesn't bother me with details I don't care about (travel order drama, anyone?).
Plus, I sorta love him, I guess.

So, no divorce for us. Or untimely deaths.
You are still stuck with me, Philip. Sucks for you!