Monday, February 20, 2012

Almost as good as a pile of vaginas!

So, our car isn't here yet and when I need to get somewhere - the grocery store, the embassy, someone else's house, whatever - I am allowed to use the embassy motor pool. A very friendly driver will come pick me up and chauffeur me around. These guys are all locals, and English is their second, sometimes third, language. Also, apparently I can never remember what I've been complaining about or who I've been complaining to.


Today, when I got into the motor pool car I was blasted in the face with herb stench and sitting on the front seat next to the driver is a giant pile of leaves. I greet him, ask him how he is, we make small talk, yada, yada, yada.
Then he says to me, "I bring the penises to help you feel better."

Since I'm positive I heard him wrong, I say "I'm sorry. What was that?"

"The penises. They will make you feel better." Nope. There's nothing wrong with my hearing.

"Oh! Uh...that's very nice of you. Er...thank you." I can't remember AT ALL what I was talking to him about the last time I saw him.

"Here," he picks up one of the stink bombs next to him and hands it to me. "You chew this penis everyday and all of you inside will feel better." Penises, plants...almost the same thing.

What else could I do? I took the penis and chewed on it -and very nearly threw up in my mouth.

"You chew the penis everyday and you will be happy in Djibouti."



In case you were wondering, I am the proud owner of my very own pile o' penis.


Just to clarify: I don't think this is khat. I'm pretty sure.Mostly. Sorta. Yeah...

23 comments:

EWhite said...

Wow. I could not stop laughing at this!

bethany said...

Best blog post yet. And that's saying a lot. You have a lot of good ones.

Rheanna said...

People in other countries are so nice. No one in America has ever offered me a pile of penises to chew on to make me happy.

Kelly Robinson said...

You rock....a whole pile of penises to your self.

Megan Woolley said...

I can't stop laughing! Thanks for making my day! Hahahaha!

Kate said...

Mitch says it is very likely an herb called khat and you should DEFINITELY NOT chew on it. Apparently he is opposed to recreational penis chewing.

Shannon said...

Wonderful!!!! It would probably make your husband very happy in Djibouti, too. :P hahahaha!!

alex said...

Ha!

And... I'm SO glad you get to use motorpool for errands and such before your car arrives. THat's not the case at our post and it's made the early weeks/months very difficult for a bunch of us.

Sounds like you guys are settling in nicely!

Daniela Swider said...

A pile, ha? 'Cause one is clearly not enough... Ahhh, the joy!

Kelly said...

OMG--just spit coffee all over my laptop. Too funny!

Nomads By Nature said...

We were blessed with motor pool use at this post until our car came and I too found it great, but confusing to remember faces, names, conversations while also trying to get my new city down before I had to drive it all myself. Penis man will be remembered, though, won't he!

Oh, and khat is bad Dju-Dju. Not sure if I would recommend chewing on a pile of penises either. Great for the giggle factor-- Thanks for a well needed laugh today!

Adrian Pratt said...

A headline screaming to be read :)

Joe Parris said...

Rolling around on my office floor holding my side and gasping for breath! Too funny.

preethi said...

This is...spectacular.

preethi
lace, etc.

victoria said...

I want. I want. In whatever form. Seriously, though Khat is just a drug. Men all over the world chew on it to dim the noises they are bothered by. I am absolutely sure none of them can hear their wives, making those other penises a bit less important.

MamaDe said...

I laughed and laughed...BUT...I am pretty certain I taught you never to take something like that when you don't know what the heck it really is!!! I am thinking he is pretty savvy at helping you "be happy!" Your dad thinks he was probably trying to say, "hap...piness!" Refer to The Beverly Hillbillies remake.

Sadie said...

Absolutely hilarious. But I agree - that very well may be qat. It is Djibouti, after all..

Anonymous said...

You don't know me...but I've been following your blog for a few months now. I find your blog to be so clever and entertaining. This post had me laughing so hard...I couldn't even read it out loud to my husband. Keep it coming...

FMO Hopeful

TulipGirl said...

LOLOL!

Jill said...

Flipping hysterical!

Donna said...

Hilarious!

DiploNerds said...

This is most definitely Khat hahah! Don't chew unless you want to be passed out on the street.

Brooke said...

This is an awesome post. Good for you to try it :)